Youth and leaders gather along the shoreline, eagerly forming groups as we prepare to embark on our aquatic adventure. It’s our ward opening social, a rafting trip down the American River. Deacons huddle up around their boats, discussing strategy for impressing the girls. Beehives nervously gather around their leaders and dads, not knowing what to expect. Everyone else is rapidly jumping off the bridge across the river, hoping to get a turn before someone “responsible” puts an end to it.
Finally the time comes to launch. The group crowds together and a young woman offers the prayer, asking for protection as we enjoy the day. (Little does she know how much protection she is actually going to need...)
After some time on the river passes and everyone is finally wet, people begin to relax. The water is smooth and the warm sun feels good on wet backs and faces. A boat full of beehives pulls in their oars and decides to let the river just carry them for a while. One beehive leans over the side and casually lets her fingers drag over the surface of the water. Suddenly she notices a sound. It is faint and coming from a distance, but it is a sound that strikes fear into the very center of her heart. She signals to her companions to keep quiet. Everyone hushes down, straining their ears to hear the noise.
Ooo! Ooo-Ahh! Ooo, Ooo, Ooo-Ahh!
“ROOOWWWWW,” Their leader screams! The girls frantically scramble to scoop up their oars and turn their raft around in the right direction. But it is too late.
Ooo! Ooo-Ahh! Ooo, Ooo, Ooo-Ahh!
The noise is getting louder, coming closer every second. Then, in a second of terror that those young girls will always remember, their doom comes into view.
Ooo! Ooo-Ahh! Ooo, Ooo, Ooo-Ahh!
The sight that meets their eyes tells them that their hopes of escape are in vain. The raft that is rapidly closing the gap between them is fully loaded with 10 of the savagest young men to ever walk the earth.
Ooo! Ooo-Ahh! Ooo, Ooo, Ooo-Ahh!
Four boys line each side of the raft, each one rowing with his might, using an oar that had been won from another raft. One sits at the back of the raft, using an oar as a rudder to steer. And one is positioned at the front of the raft, repeatedly pounding on the nose of the raft, keeping time for the rowers. Each priest has a look of hunger on their face. Their raft is moving fast enough to fly across the surface of the water, leaving wake like a ski boat.
Ooo! Ooo-Ahh! Ooo, Ooo, Ooo-Ahh!
As the raft approaches at ramming speed, girls flee to the far side of their boat, taking refuge behind two of their male leaders. Then, as the boats come within 15 feet of each other, something unexpectedly changes. All the rowers in the boy’s boat suddenly drop off the sides into the center. Two of the most fearless boys spring up from the back of the boat, sprinting along the side runners of the boat, and bouncing off of the boats nose, sending them soaring through the air like birds of prey. The flyers spread their arms as they glide toward their targets, two male leaders who have taken their place at the head of the defense. The leaders look up in horror to see two bodies flying towards their heads. They only have time to lift their arms in defense before they are struck with full force. One boy latches on to a leader, pulling him off of his feet and directly into the water. The other boy hits his target and knocks him down to the bottom of the boat, pinning him to the rubber just as soon as the boys raft closes the gap between the two boats.
The battle has begun. One boy digs in his oar hard right, bringing the broad sides of the boat together. Two boys stretch out across the divide, using their bodies as human duct tape to bind the two boats temporarily as one. Absolute pandemonium ensues. Amid screams of terror from the girls, a tidal wave of boys pours from one boat to the other. Girls are thrown left and right into the water, several of them throwing themselves in order to escape this onslaught of savageness. Two boys strain their backs to lift the last, slightly overweight, male leader into the water. The deck is clear. The boys let out a final roar of triumph.
Ooo-Ahh!
The conquered raft is swept for supplies. Three oars, one water cannon, and a cooler full of water bottles. Leaving one oar and the cooler, the victors take their spoil and return to their raft. The conquered float in the water by the side of their boat, waiting for the chance to climb back into the safety of their raft. As the boys take up their oars to row off into the distance, one final surprise is unleashed. A mighty heave on a rope that had been stealthily slipped into place lifts the far side of their raft up into the air, as the two human duct tapes push down on their side. In a flurry of water and rubber, the victims raft is completely turtled, lying face down in the water. A boy grabs the end of the slip knot and it pulls free of the decimated craft. As they begin to row in rhythm once more, the handle of an oar is extended into the water and grasped by the first flyer who had been swimming alongside the boat. With the strength of three of his comrades behind the oar, he is lifted out of the water as if he weighed no more than a deacon. Everyone resumes their positions and scans downstream without looking back. The deed is done.
Ooo! Ooo-Ahh! Ooo, Ooo, Ooo-Ahh!
